Through Her Eyes: Female Genital Mutilation in West Africa
Trigger Warning: This article deals with SA and may be triggering for some audiences.
February 6 is International Day of Zero Tolerance for Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). The United Nations defines FGM as, “all procedures that involve altering or injuring the female genitalia for non-medical reasons and is recognized internationally as a violation of the human rights, the health and the integrity of girls and women.” Individuals who experience FGM face immediate as well as long-term health complications. The World Health Organization testifies that this procedure is not done for the health of women and girls and is a violation of their human rights.
According to UNICEF, at least 200 million girls and women alive today have undergone this procedure. Although FGM is most prevalent in countries across the Middle East and Africa, it happens all over the world. It is practiced in some Asian and Latin American countries, and immigrants coming from countries where this is a cultural norm sometimes may practice FGM in their new countries.
Many refugees and immigrants that we serve at US Together have had their lives altered by FGM. In order to properly serve all clients, we have programming specifically to assist those who have been affected by this practice. FGM is against the law in Ohio, in the United States, and in many countries around the world. Through the U.S. Department of Justice's Office for Victims of Crime, US Together is able to offer a program specific to victims of Female Genital Mutilation. FGM is a form of gender-based violence. If you or someone you know has been affected by FGM and is interested in receiving services from US Together, please reach out via email to habdelabki@ustogether.us.
Through this program, we have met countless women with powerful stories of resilience. We take the responsibility to help them adjust to life in the United States and cope with their past trauma very seriously. One of the clients we work with wanted to publicly share her personal experience with FGM. This is a powerful personal testimony, and we truly thank this woman for having the courage to openly speak about this challenging and deeply intimate topic.
A resilient woman from Nigeria, she has seen the negative effects that this practice has had on her life. As she did not personally undergo FGM, she experienced the shame of living as a woman without the procedure. She talks about coming from a culture where FGM is seen as the norm and the effects that has on the community. There is no better way to learn about FGM than from those who have real world experiences with the practice. We hope you will take the opportunity to listen to her story, entitled, Through Her Eyes: Female Genital Mutilation in West Africa:
Below, you will find a transcript of the audio recording. Please note, this transcription is not exact:
I’m grateful for the chance to tell my story and to talk about my life experience as a woman back home in West Africa, where they still practice FGM. I got to know the meaning of FGM. Back home, it is called female circumcision, welcoming you into womanhood. It’s a traditional cultural belief. Before you get married or if you are going to school, depending on the family you are in. My father was a Muslim, and my mom a Christian. Fortunately for me, I was the only daughter my mom refused to circumcise. She told me she loves the daughter due to the circumcision welcoming into womanhood. I think I was 11, 12, going to secondary school. Secondary school is called middle school here.
So, if you’re a girl it’s a thing of joy to be circumcised back home. It’s to show you’re a woman, you’re a great asset for your family and whoever you are going to be married into, to another family. I still have a big cut on my thigh because my mom had to rush in into the room to take me out because she was done with the retrials of my two sisters, and the one I never met that died during the process.
Though sometimes I regret she didn’t circumcise me in a way. Because growing up, it was hard. When you’re known within the family that yes, your mother didn’t circumcise you. You are a shame, you know. You’re tagged the black sheep of the family. My mom lost a marriage because of that. We were set out; we went back to the North in Africa in Nigeria. Into Nigerian state back there.
Even in secondary school, everybody gets to know you are not circumcised. Because back home everybody have if you’re a female, you’ll come out to have your bath. There’s no bathroom. Secondary school everyone sees you naked and everything. So it would get into asking, “have they done your own?” “Have they done your own?” They know I have not done my own. They ask my mom – “Who marry you?” All those things. It is true. It is still happening. Because if you are circumcised as a woman, you have more respect. In the family, you are more well combed. It is a thing of joy and pride back home. I thought it was awful until I got married into my husband’s family. They practice circumcision also. Not every family do. Some part of some family, they stop the practice. Why some families did something? They have to continue for spiritual culture or for reasons. They still do it.
Unfortunately for me, my husband’s family is traditionalist. They are very very rooted into – they are not Christian, they are not Muslim – they still do their worship and all this stuff for the gods of everything. They are very, how do you call that word, just like you have strong Christian faith, you have faith and belief in the traditional way. It caused a big problem. My husband is a good man, but he is the first family. As the first family and the only male in his father’s house, it became an issue because you have to continue with tradition. Tradition starts with the apple from the crown of the head. It is the first child. So he has to continue. Because I got married to a family that everyone stays in the compound. It is a polygamous big family. You’re like now you’re married. Your sister, husband, wife, children you live in the same place. You, you have your own. Everybody is living in the same compound. Everybody there are circumcised women, even daughters are all circumcised. So I was the only person that wasn’t circumcised. It became an issue. You are not fully integrated into the family they let you understand - you become a shame you know. You know when you are married and they let you know you are not fully married. Because your right as a woman is incomplete if you don’t go fully into circumcision and everything.
I’ll let you know. I had issues giving birth when I first got married. I’ve lost three children. I’ve had two deaths. They tell you it is because of the clit there – it is not allowing the children to come out. You should get circumcised if you want to be pregnant. If you are not circumcised, you cannot get pregnant. It will delay you from having children. My mother insisted no. It became an issue. My mother was stopped to come to my house.
It was traumatizing because as a woman back home you don’t have a voice like you have a voice here. I have seen the difference. And I can tell you, you people are lucky. Back home we don’t have - if they say “sit here,” you sit here; “don’t move,” you don’t move. The pain was real. Emotional and verbal trauma was real. I tell you oh you might be doing something when you are performing anesthesia, a child is about to get circumcised I am not allowed to be there. It is like a bad omen. You are not circumcised. You should not be in the mix when other people are being circumcised. You’re a bad example for the family. So, they tell me to go out and kick me out. “Let’s go out.” Even when my son was sick, he had sickle cell, they blamed me. Sickle cell back home, sometimes they say is an Abiku spirit. When you keep having children and you lose children all the time, they say it is because you refused to get circumcised. “You gave us an Abiku child.”
All of this affected me emotionally and my son also. Even when I’m pregnant, I always tell God I don’t want a female child. Because I can’t defend myself and defend you at the same time. It would be very hard for me. I always tell God, “I don’t want a female child.” Luckily for me, I have one female child. They still even though my husband tell me my husband’s family – actually not even my husband – but he has to obey. It’s like that. If you are a man and your parents are still there, you have to obey your parents. It’s a thing of pride. “You have to listen,” they say because the way you treat your parents is the way your children will treat you when you grow up. So, if you disobey your parents, your children too will disobey. So. to them, it’s part of a respect and going along the family culture. They don’t believe it’s bad to be honest. They don’t believe it’s bad. They don’t believe it’s all those things. They don’t believe cutting you will stop you. They don’t believe cutting you is a bad thing, they see it as pride, they see it as an asset, they see it as good fortune. Say they are helping you. Yes, they are grooming you – even some men today, they tell you they prefer circumcised women. They will say they are not promiscuous; they will obey the family, you know. Because when you are married to another family another community you are gone from your own house. You’re into another family. You have to follow their own tradition and their culture. You like it or you don’t like it. You’re married, you’re married. You cannot say, “I want a divorce.” They are killing you. You can’t divorce. They stab you every day. I’m just giving an example. When you are married into another family back home in Africa, you are married. There’s no going back. You’re there.
So recently FGM they told me in the hospital when I was pregnant with my son I found that they in the emergency room, they didn’t know why I said I didn’t want a girl. I said, “Please, I don’t want a girl please.” The lady was just laughing, “ah no.” But I understood what I was saying. If I give birth to another girl, now it’s me, my daughter, and another daughter – three women. How am I going to do it? That was my fear. Like thank god it’s a son. It’s not seen as a bad thing if you have a girl, but I’m just being honest. I want people to understand.
And I pray they still teach people because a lot of people back home that think that telling women that FGM is physical abuse – they don’t believe it. They don’t understand it. They don’t understand it. If any woman dies during the time, they will say, “It’s bad luck. She’s not a good person. That’s why she died.” I wish they can go to some other states, mostly African countries and show you states where I come from. I come from Lagos, Nigeria. They still practice it, and there is nothing you can do about it. Even if some of them live in fear, they can’t come out to tell you. This is what I’m facing at home because the after effect – it will be on the woman, not the man or the family. They’re going to say rubbish about your family, so the trauma still falls on the woman. It’s still very hard.
It’s still very hard for some of them. Not because they don’t have choice. It’s because they know even if they tell or report the case, there is nothing that can be done. There is nothing. They would rather die in silence and continue burying the physical pain and emotional trauma. It is there.
When you do FGM, female circumcision, they’ll say it’s good, but sometimes people don’t want to do it, or they are forced into doing it. They will force you to do it. Now, they say age does not matter. Read the government say from 2 year to 12 years, they can do it anytime. As old as I am, before I became in my thirties, they still wanted to do it. Because they believed I was giving them sick kids because I refused to be circumcised. Every time I have pregnancy, even all my kids always lose pregnancy. They tell you it is because of that thing there. You’re smelly. It’s not just talking about the community maybe when they I don’t know. You know when something is rooted, it is hard. When you cultivate it, you must what? When you plant a seed, you must get them young, that’s what they tell you. They’ve been doing it, so the white man or white medicine will come and tell them, “You shouldn’t be doing it this way.” They tell you if they have not killed your forefathers or foremothers during the time, they cannot kill you. So, it’s very hard to convince people back home. Some people have stopped practicing it, but some people, they still do it. They will even call a nurse to give you something to sleep. Before you know it, they will cut you.
Even as old as I am. They will tell you, “you’ve given birth, we’re not going to cut you like we’ve cut others. We’ll just cut you some more to make sure you are fully accepted in the house.” Because you can’t be the only one in the midst of different wives and daughters that have been circumcised already. You will become the bad example. I don’t know about that. And I also want people to understand. If you have your family has to give birth, not because you cannot get pregnant, it is not because you are uncircumcised. Because that is the mentality they used to tell us – “If you do not circumcise you, it will be hard for you to have a child. You will not be good enough. You will not be accepted enough. You will be promiscuous. You will not be respected by your in laws.” They put everything on the woman’s shoulders. If its bad, its your fault. They still blame you. Even if you are dying, they will still blame you. “It’s your fault.” It’s not a good practice. It’s not, but it is still done. Especially in my state. Oh, Jesus. There is nothing anyone can do. Even if the government says they should stop it, it is a lie. They are still doing it. If you talk, you are in trouble. They are still doing it.
I pray they have I have seen UNICEF or those things – they should do more educational videos to see them cutting people. It is a very bad thing. My mother had to open up herself to show me how she was cut when she got married to my late father’s family. She was cut bad. Cause she must follow Islam tradition, and she’s a Christian. Just because you want to make things good, it’s always on the woman’s shoulders to make things right – even if that means killing or cutting part of her hand or cutting part of her leg. It is on your shoulder. If your house is burning, it is you. If your house has broken or the foundation has broken down, it is you. Even if it is not your fault. It is always the woman’s responsibility. FGM is not good. I pray. The earlier people understand, the better. Most people still want it done, most people don’t but they cannot come out and say it because they would put themselves in danger. No one will come out. So, you just die in silence. And you wish.
Anything I am happy and grateful for – it is that I am not circumcised. My daughter will not be circumcised. This is real life. My sister’s daughter, she is circumcised, and she is already 11 years old. My sister still believes in it, but I don’t. I don’t want it because they did it for her. My mother refused to do it for me. In the house she got married to, they still practice it. So, it takes God’s grace to enlighten them. It will be difficult. It will be difficult, like I said. When you plant yam, you must cultivate yam. I’m not saying that yam is cocoyam. Cocoyam is different than yam. Sweet potato is different from normal potato. It will take time. But I want them to understand, it is not their fault that they did not have a child early or they had miscarriages. It is not because of circumcision, it is natural.
They taught me. My doctor told me I was traumatized; I’ve gone through therapy too. It’s not a good thing. Maybe the more they tell them, it’s not their fault. It’s not their fault that they didn’t give birth early. It’s not their fault for bad luck happening – sometimes, things happen. Because sometimes they blame the woman for the fault of anything bad that is happening because you are not cleansed. You are not fully cleansed, not fully a woman. It’s a bad thing. I’m happy I’m okay, my daughter is okay and my sons are okay. But I wish everybody in that country to feel the same peace, yes that is the word. They don’t have to be scared for the family hate. It’s time to bring your child, you know, to welcome them. Especially when they start seeing their period. That is the best time. To some family, that is the best time. To some people, before then. To some people, in their twenties they will still demand it. It’s not a bad thing – it’s not the fault of any woman. They should leave them. It is their decision. And I pray and I hope they give women more chance to, you know, talk and express themselves instead of staying in silence. Because mostly back home, that is it. You can’t talk about it even if you are dying. You just keep smiling, but you are dying inside. Nobody understand what you are going through. I wish they would give them the opportunity. They will tell the woman they’re fine – it’s a lie, it’s a big fat lie. The government can come and tell you anything from the TV – it’s a lie. They are still doing it back in Nigeria. If UNICEF want, they should still go back and find out. Local government actually practices it. Some families are still practicing it. And the law is beside. They’ll say its traditional, culture. They’ll say it’s in the law too for traditional culture. I pray they understand that if sometimes my mother said she lost a daughter through circumcision – what if things like that keep happening? I pray they stop it; they stop it.
FGM is not a thing of pride. To some culture, it is. But to me, I’ve seen it. I’ve not lived through it, but I’ve lived through the mental, emotional, and trauma abuse from it because I refuse not to do it. I would say I lived through it physically. I would say physically in the sense that they show you heat physically, not behind your back. I will tell you, “I hate you. You are a stupid person and incomplete.” I am not doing it behind your back, I am telling you to your face. Because what – they will say you cannot compare me to you. I am full, you are not a full woman. So physically, I have experienced it. The pain – emotionally and mentally I have experienced it. It’s not when you start bleeding blood. I would say people that have lived through it physically, like when you feel the pain, yes, I haven’t lived through it. But physically, emotionally, mentally, I have been traumatized about it. I have, and I hate it. Because I used to blame myself most of the time. I get angry, I blame my mom, why didn’t you just do this thing? I won’t be facing all this. All this anger and hatred towards me. Why didn’t you just do it? But I thank God she didn’t do it. And now I’ve learned, I won’t do it for my child. I have never planned to do it for my child, I can’t do it for my child. I’m happy she didn’t do it to be honest. Because I have seen videos of what they have done, and when I watch I’m like wow thank god she stood up for me even if I still have deep cuts here. I wish I could show it. Because when you’ve been circumcised, you go to a room. One will hold your leg, one will hold your hand pin you down so you cannot move. You can’t move. But I’m happy because I got injured through that process when my mom was dragging me out – no I’m not doing it for this one. So I’m happy my mom refused not to circumcise me.
So FGM is not something to be proud of, from my own side it’s not something to be proud of. It’s not a good thing for a woman. It does not determine if a woman will be promiscuous, or a woman will give birth, or a woman will be a good asset to marry for life – NO. It is left for the woman, not you punishing her, cutting her, to prove because if she’s cut. No, it’s a lie that if you cut her she will have children. It’s a lie. So, that’s my story. I wish people can help women out there, because it’s still happening. It’s still happening. Thank you for the opportunity.
If you or someone you know has been affected by FGM and is interested in receiving services from US Together, please reach out via email to habdelabki@ustogether.us.